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new perspective

I've loved music since before I can even remember. Whatever I'm feeling, I can find something that speaks to me, something that makes me feel better, or worse, if that's what I want. I let music control me a lot, let it invade my mind and tell me what to do.

There have been songs and bands that I've disliked, instantly changing the radio station or plugging my ears so I don't have to expose myself to it.  This is just because I don't like the song (or the band, in Paramore's case). But even when the worse things happen to me with music playing, I don't end up thinking of those things when the song comes on. Whatever feelings I have for a song are brought on by the song itself and whatever is happening in the present.

Yesterday something different happened. I was watching Jennifer's Body, simply because Cobra Starship has a song on the soundtrack, when this song came on. I recognized it instantly. New Perspective, by "Panic at the Disco." I swear stopped beating for a moment and I feel like those poor boys must have felt when Megan Fox went demonic on their asses.

I had to leave the theater. I went out into the hallway, almost bursting into tears while I tried to catch my breath. I thought, maybe one day, I'd be able to listen to "Panic at the Disco" again. I don't know, maybe it was too soon, but now I feel like I won't be able to listen to them for a few years at least, if ever. Panic was my rock for so long and their split came out of now and it just... It tore apart so many fans. It was like they were saying "We love you guys and we know you've supported us a ridiculous amount and we're famous because of you, but hey, fuck you, seriously. We don't give a shit."

I can listen to The Young Veins with no problem. I love Ryan Ross, I'm not gonna lie, and I think his new band with Jon Walker is going to be a amazing. Something new, to help us heal. But the other two, keeping the old band name... I could listen to them, I think, if they started a new band too. But keeping the old band name is like rubbing salt in the wounds, trying to carry on with something that doesn't exist anymore. As far as I'm concern, Panic at the Disco doesn't exist anymore. And if that means not ever listening to Brendon Urie's beautiful voice anymore, than so be it.

Right now I can still hear their new song clearly in my head, so I'm listening to Eminem and Linkin Park to try to block it out. It'll probably work a little better once I'm done with this post and therefore not actively thinking about it.
 

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Comments

( 5 Cherries on Top — Make a Sundae )
slashfreak211
Oct. 18th, 2009 09:55 pm (UTC)
Hey,

I was reading this and was kinda touched by it. Probably because I could see myself in it and it made me realise my problem.
The thing is, while I decided to support all band members and just trying to be happy for them, it still hurts like shit. I think that´s normal since they were the first band that I really fell in love with. I remember hearing them the first time and falling in love with the music, the lyrics and Brendon´s voice. It just gave me a feeling, I didn´t knew before.
And to me P!ATD always were all this, the lyrics, the music and the singing...and now it´s just...not the same thing, Ryan Ross is my hero and I adore him and even if it´s maybe not really fair to say...I think he had the most influence on this band. So naturally I think that it can´t be the same without him, it´s just not Panic! anymore, at least not the way I fell for them.
Another thing is that I always thoght that these guys fit together so well, that they were just...perfect for each other and perfec to make music and everything...
When it´s just Brendon and Spencer than, it´s not Panic! At The Disco.
So yeah...that´s basiclly what you just said. Just wanted to say that I totally understand you there and really understand your pain. I mean I´m able to listen to the new songs from both bands, but I just can´t really enjoy it most of the time. Okay...enough rambling.
decaying_rose
Oct. 19th, 2009 09:12 am (UTC)
Wow, I love you. I never really expected anyone to read this, except me in a few years, lol.
I'm glad to hear you feel the same way, it makes me feel like I'm not completely crazy for caring so much about it.
Panic was the first band I ever went to see in concert, and they just completely blew my mind, it sucks so much to know that I won't be able to see them all play together again, unless they do a reunion tour eventually, which even then... Not the same.
I totally agree about Ryan. There first thing I said when I found out about the split was "But Ryan Ross IS Panic at the Disco!!" which was a little over-dramatic, but still. He's my idol but a big part of that was how close he was with his band mates, cuz you're right, they just fit together, and now that they split up, I don't know how to feel anymore. It's just really weird.
I'm glad you took the time to comment :)
slashfreak211
Oct. 19th, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
Well yeah I just clicked on the music button and saw the headline of your post and thought, I could read it. I kinda hoped someone would say something that´s not: OMG! New Perspective is amazing.
I´m tired of hearing people say it. the song´s not bad or something, just...not Panic! just like you´ve said.
I don´t know, it seems like everyone´s so amazed by the things P!ATD and TYV are doing and I just don´t love them, like everyone else does.
Sometimes it makes me feel really pathetic, because it seems like everyone else moved on and got over it and I´m the only one that´s still hurt. And of course crazy for caring so much...believe me I know this feeling.
Tehy were the first band I saw live too. It´s weird, I can remember the support acts and the people I´ve met and everything, but I can´t really remember Panic!...it keeps upsetting me. I wish I could see them again, together of course.
Sometimes I feel really guilty for thinking that Ryan Ross is the band, but that´s just my opinion and I can´t really change it.
I´m glad you took the time to comment back^^
decaying_rose
Oct. 21st, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
Yeah I don't remember their performance that much either. Since it was my first concert, my mom made me buy seat tickets instead of standing room only, and it's a lot harder for me to enjoy concert when I'm being forced to sit and the band members look like little tiny ants, lol.
Another thing that really upset me was the fact that they just spilt up and didn't even do their upcoming tour together, so no one got to see them one last time while being aware that it was the last time, you know?
slashfreak211
Oct. 23rd, 2009 08:58 am (UTC)
Well it was a smaller concert, so there weren´t any seat tickets and I guess I could see them pretty good, but still...I just can´t remember.
Yeah I always think, that I would be so happy if I could see them together just one last time, but I guess they didn´t thought about the fans, they just wanted to do their music...
It really makes you feellike they don´t care about their fans. Well...they wouldn´t have come to germany anyway, so that wouldn´t been helpful for me, anyway. Doesn´t make it better, though.
( 5 Cherries on Top — Make a Sundae )

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